Currently Listening: River Flows Through You - Yiruma.
Current Mood: Optimistic.

Yesterday I entered my bedroom entranced by the smell of fall-inspired candle scents; one of my favorites.
I haven't bothered to make my bed in over a week, there's a small pile of clothes on the back of my chair I've yet to hang back up, and my newly washed clothes lay in a basket at the foot of my bed.
Jewelry lays out on my desk, my purses carefully disregarded on the window ledge and the dresser.
My bedside table is a conglomerate of empty water bottles, aspirin, books, magazines and my laptop.
This sounds like a train wreck, to some people [my mother and sister included] it would be.
Ask me where anything is, I can tell you. I know where each and every minute piece of my daily routine lies amidst of the chaos. Nothing is lost, merely placed aside until it is deemed necessary for my current needs.
My ipod is in the Marc Jacobs bag, two pair of sunglasses are in my Louis, the other pair as well as my reading glasses are in the former.
My current personal interest novel is on my bedside, the ones for class sprawled across my window sill.
Keys; See Marc Jacobs bag.
Planner; see school bag.
Shorts from Saturday night; see clothes basket.
Shoes; see closet/bedside/computer desk.

You say chaos; I say control.
This, is my life.
Up until yesterday I had convinced myself that the chaos was a part of my life I needed to get away from. My life was out of control, and I had no means of stopping it. I hated it. I wanted change. Needed something new to remove me from this uncontrolled emotional turmoil of the everyday.
I wanted help. I couldn't do this on my own. I could no longer control my life. And I hated it.

Yesterday I entered my room entranced by the smell of fall-inspired candles, and chaos.
And I loved it.
Of course I'm not in control of my life. No one is ever in control of their own life. Life is meant to throw us curves we cannot expect or interpret. This is how we grow.
Before yesterday I had stopped growing. I was trying to control the here and now. Not bending to meet the curves head on, but allowing them to wrap me up so tightly I couldn't move.
I lived in the past. Groped for the past. Longing to obtain some lost feeling or experience.
Yesterday, I moved on.
Today, I am growing.
Tomorrow, I'll do the same.

My life is chaos. Fueled by uncertainty and ignorance of the things to come.
But, now, I'm ready for them.
Bring on the pain, the happiness, the heartache, the love.
Bring on the loss, the gain, the beginning of new and ending of old.

I'm ready.