This Song is About Love;

Finally, Inspiration has struck again.
My first poem in months. Hopefully I haven't lost my touch.

This Song is About Love;

Don’t offer those words
Empty promises you’ll never fulfill
I believe you
I believe that you want to
I know that you never
Will.

Can’t you hear me?
Let me scream your name.
As loud as it fucking takes.
While my unwilling heart
Breaks.

I don’t want the lies
I can’t compromise
I won’t be hypnotized
In a trance from your beautiful
Empty

Eyes. So serene, now.
Yet, I know there is fire
To be seen.
When I was willing
You’re eyes were filling
With emotion? NO.
Need.

Focus on this, now.
Can you tell me, how,
You brushed it away?
Or do your feelings stay?
No.
What didn’t exist
Certainly doesn’t remain.

So, these eloquent words
Are all in vain.
And I am empty
Except for the pain.

liefde.amour.liebe.αγάπη.amore.amor.love.

There are so many ways to say it. Countless definitions and connotations, and yet, in every form, it eludes me. I've come to several conclusions about this subject, the first being that I'm not entirely convinced it exists.
This first conclusions stems from an idea which Tom Collins brought up months ago. "Love is just a chemical reaction." At first glance the statement itself seems like a poorly written song lyric, but upon thinking more about this statement I've decided that I understand what he meant by it.
Twice the statement "I love you", in the romantic sense, has passed through my lips. Both times I believed I meant it. When the statement was returned, I believed it to be true. In both instances I was in a position in which hormones were in complete control of my senses, and, clearly, in control of the senses of the man to return the statement. Upon regaining my "senses", and thinking deeper into the subject, I was NOT in love, nor were they with me. My brain convinced me I was feeling something new and exciting. All I was feeling were my hormones in tumultuous discord. Needless to say, my latest idea concerning the subject seems to make sense giving these situations.
So I have to ask, if doctors can prescribe medication to cure the chemical imbalances that cause depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder or other neurological disorders, then why haven't they created a pill that could keep your brain from convincing you you're in love? I am honestly convinced that there could potentially be a pill created to restore the balance that creates the feeling of being "in love".
Once a person's hormones return to normal, you'll see that, love is just an overly embellished word we use to describe temporary insanity.
I'm not writing this to sound negative or pessimistic, I'm really not at all. I'm completely content with the idea of not ever falling in love or ever experiencing it. Of course I'm only speaking about romantic love. I love my family and my friends with as much as I can love anyone. How much that is, I couldn't tell you. But that's just fine with me.

Love is just a chemical creation.

i've been having an affaire. with my journal.

So I've been cheating on my blog. Hence the lack of posts in the month of December. I started keeping a journal. All of my thoughts on paper and hidden away. I simply felt that my emotions were too deep to publicly display them.
Anyway, onto my newest post.
Ironically, my last entry was about the lake.. and I'm currently packing to go again. I need this. Probably more than I needed it before. I need to free my mind from life and it's troubles. I need my friends to bring me out of this melancholy funk I'm in.
I'm actually having a pretty amazing day considering the circumstances, which I'll keep to myself. Maybe I just haven't quite realized the absurdity of the entire situation. Maybe it hasn't hit me. OR, maybe I just really don't give a fuck. Let's go with the last one, it makes me sound cool and unaffected. The worst part of this all? The shit interrupted something important. Well, not necessarily important, but fun.. and it was interrupted none-the-less. Okay, enough talking about last night.
Seriously.. this post just sounds like me venting. It's on the same level as the majority of my myspace posts. I thought I created this blog so I could write more eloquently. Apparently not today. I'm out of it.
I may come back and write more.. but for now, that's it.
My water is out. Glad I already took a shower.
I'm off to get dressed and pick up Aaron from work.

the lake; best experienced in december.

It's finally here! December is, by far, my favorite month of the year. Cold weather, hot chocolate, Christmas decorations [mine have been up since before Thanksgiving], the ending of this year and, at the climax, the beginning of a new one.
To "ring in" this December me and seven friends headed out bound for the city of Breckenridge, about 55 miles northeast of Abilene. Our destination; Heather's lake house. Our goal; absolutely nothing. Which was exactly what we needed. No expectations. Just a night on the lake with friends. This night turned out to be the best break I could have asked for, and, just for the record, I have the best friends I could ever ask for.
Gilly;Mish;Stephen;Vannah;Christian;Heather;Matt
I really love you guys, so much.
I can't thank you enough for being just what I needed, just when I was beginning to feel like I didn't know where I belonged. Y'all showed me exactly where I belong. Here. At least for the time being.
So, I could sit here and go on about the stories and our little adventures [ie. Gilly disappearing for an hour. -still mad at you by the way ;)-], but there's too many to choose from, and they probably wouldn't mean anything to anyone who wasn't present. However, I will post a few photos of the night. Just a general idea of how happy you guys make me.
The last photo I'll attach is of my leap into the lake off Heather's dock; which I equate with my newly obtained outlook on life and the people in it. The water was 40 degrees, at best, and as I plummeted into it's depths I conquered my fear of the known and unknown. As well as conquering my recurring dream, or nightmare rather, of drowning. I'm tempted to talk more about my dream, but that is for another time.
This post is about life. About December. About endings. About beginnings. About

jumping.