..the end of my rope.

Well, being that I am currently in England it is the 24th of July. Home, however, it is still the 23rd for about 6 hours.
I haven't written in a while..
Should I blame the lack of time, lack of interest or lack of inspiration? Perhaps a combination of the three..
To be completely forthright, absolutely nothing of significance, beyond the visiting of aged cathedrals and stone circles, has occurred in my life over the last month. Don't get me wrong, some of the places I have played "tourist" have greatly astounded me, left mental pictures I will never forget. However.. all in all I think I placed entirely too much hope on the idea that changing scenery, significantly at that, would somehow forcibly alter my life.
I have played myself a fool.
The soundtrack to my life is my iTunes on shuffle. Anyone who knows me well knows this is an extremely rare occurance. As far as music is concerened I will ALWAYS know what to listen to based on how I'm feeling.. and at this very moment I'm pressing forward until I land on a song I can actually stand to listen to.
Katy Perry had held my attention over the course of a week.. then, suddenly, I felt childish for listening to her anti-boy, non-conformal anthems.
I immediately reverted back to my default of Anberlin, the only place I can't seem to go wrong.
Music is usually my go to for this certain emotional turmoil I'm currently wracked with.. today it doesn't seem to be working.
Tom Collins [thank you, love] just supplied me with Cold, which I will now proceed to listen to.

Back to my distorted beliefs in England's ability to cure the monotony that is my life. That statement seems to take a stab at England, which I'm not at all meaning to do. The country is beautiful, I absolutely love the natural element that seems to surround everything. It is my own fault for putting too much expectation into this experience.
For anyone who may stumble upon this blog and is unaware of why I'm in England.. I am taking two courses at Oxford; Faith and Literature, as well as Theory and Theology. Only 2 weeks left now.
Prior to my departure I had managed to convince myself that, by some means, this experience was going to ultimately alter my entire life. Currently, I have absolutely no idea how I had expected it to change me, or why I even wanted a change? Maybe I needed a break from the dramatics of life, the persistantly changing relationships and friendships, the lack of significance in each. I have found, though, that I miss those relationships, the friendships and the dramatics involved in each. I feel a sense of fear that maybe I am not as significant to them and as they are to me, and I have never been more terrified. I do not ever recall feeling this way before, and it certainly would be difficult to explain why.
I don't mean to sound so melodramatic, but then I cannot change what I simply am.

Well, it is 1 a.m. here in lovely Oxford, England.. and I have class at 8 a.m.

Hopefully it wont be months before I return to update.

Cheers;

Brittany