the lake; best experienced in december.

It's finally here! December is, by far, my favorite month of the year. Cold weather, hot chocolate, Christmas decorations [mine have been up since before Thanksgiving], the ending of this year and, at the climax, the beginning of a new one.
To "ring in" this December me and seven friends headed out bound for the city of Breckenridge, about 55 miles northeast of Abilene. Our destination; Heather's lake house. Our goal; absolutely nothing. Which was exactly what we needed. No expectations. Just a night on the lake with friends. This night turned out to be the best break I could have asked for, and, just for the record, I have the best friends I could ever ask for.
Gilly;Mish;Stephen;Vannah;Christian;Heather;Matt
I really love you guys, so much.
I can't thank you enough for being just what I needed, just when I was beginning to feel like I didn't know where I belonged. Y'all showed me exactly where I belong. Here. At least for the time being.
So, I could sit here and go on about the stories and our little adventures [ie. Gilly disappearing for an hour. -still mad at you by the way ;)-], but there's too many to choose from, and they probably wouldn't mean anything to anyone who wasn't present. However, I will post a few photos of the night. Just a general idea of how happy you guys make me.
The last photo I'll attach is of my leap into the lake off Heather's dock; which I equate with my newly obtained outlook on life and the people in it. The water was 40 degrees, at best, and as I plummeted into it's depths I conquered my fear of the known and unknown. As well as conquering my recurring dream, or nightmare rather, of drowning. I'm tempted to talk more about my dream, but that is for another time.
This post is about life. About December. About endings. About beginnings. About

jumping.

[in]Decision 2008.

This is certainly a poor time to be a Republican; no matter, I remain by my fellow elephants.
I'm currently uncommitted to any particular candidate. My indecisiveness of course extends from the country's lack of support of the Republican party; but my fierce unrelenting Republican support stems from the fact that I refuse to accept the idea of a power-hungry bitch or a black supremacist as my next president. Yes, this is certainly a somber time for my party.

Anyway, I didn't write this to criticize the Democratic party or it's candidates. I just want to share a video of Mike Huckabee, which finally gave me some hope that there are some politicians [or at least one] who doesn't'/don't avoid the issue of God. The following video concerns evolution; I applaud you, Mike Huckabee:

Emotion is Dead, Pt. 1

Before anyone can criticize; yes, I realize this entry title is completely unoriginal. It just happens to be the song I'm listening to, from the album Emotion is Dead by The Juliana Theory**. Which is, if I might be so bold as to say [and i will be, because this is my blog], an extremely ironic title for an album/song from a band whose music stems from raw emotion. In fact mentioning the band The Juliana Theory in conversation immediately sends up a red, er..black, emo flag. No, I don't use the term "emo" negatively, in fact I don't quite understand where it has received such a negative connotation. If we could really sit down and decide was "emo" is, exactly, the word is EMOTIONAL. Now, I'm not sure if you've noticed [and since you're reading this, you probably have] I'm quite an emotional person.
Does this make me emo?
My favorite color is black.
Does this make me emo?
I cry. [yes, that is normal.]
Does this make me emo?
I'd like for anyone who reads this to go listen to the song Emotion is Dead, Pt. 1 by The Juliana Theory. Even if you completely despise alternative music and would rather slit your wrists than listen to anything stemming from emotion, just give it a listen. Listen, and then and only then, if you can tell me that you believe these musicians have absolutely no talent for musical transcription and composition, I will respect your discountenance.
I believe this is one of the most beautifully written, and disregarded, songs I've ever heard.

Anyways,
Enough about The Juliana Theory.
I really don't have anything specific to talk about tonight; which is perhaps why I just went off on one of my usual rants regarding TJT. I just felt the need to let off some steam via the internet blog-o-sphere. It's slightly pathetic, is it not? That we have to vent our thoughts and emotions through the internet? I can offer two predominant reasons as to why I spend more time ranting on the internet than speaking, face to face, about my beliefs.
A. Most of my friends find my interests and ideas too complex. It is very rare that I meet someone who I truly feel like I can talk to on an intellectual level. I have a broad spectrum of ideas stemming from virtually all subjects, and I could count on one hand the number of people whom I actually find myself having intellectual conversations with on a, somewhat, regular basis.
Literally;
i. my mother
ii. my grandmother
iii. my cousin; michelle
iv. tom collins
v. shaun sharma
there you have them. my intellectual [friends].
B. There are very few people who inhabit my safe-haven of person's i entrust with my raw emotion and feelings. Fewer than my list of intellectuals. In fact there are only two; my mother and my God. This doesn't leave a lot of room for me to open up to others. I'm not trying to suggest that I am going to openly display my every emotion on this blog; however, it is definitely easier for me to open up to a faceless, nameless object who does not embody the ability to judge.

Should I conclude this all now?
I. The Juliana Theory is brilliant.
II. This blog is my emotional outlet.

That's all for now.
Have a glorious evening.



[**there you go copyright enforcers. i give credit where credit is due.]

Heart-Shaped Nourishment

Well, seeing as I haven't posted anything relating to my love life, or lack thereof rather, I guess I should give some insight before entering my latest rant.
I'm currently on a break from love. Well, from relationships or any involvement with members of the opposite sex. [no, this doesn't mean I'm a lesbian.] In short, I've sworn off men for an uncertain amount of time, because i no longer believe I have the strength left in my heart to sustain further injury. Now that I've given small insight into my personal beliefs in regard to my heart, I'll begin my story.
Saturday night I wanted nothing more than to spend an evening with my girls. Mish, Vannah and I headed to Johnny Carino's for some girl time and Italian cuisine. I ordered one of the few low-fat items on the menu which I viewed as appetizing, which [though the name escapes me] consisted of a grilled chicken breast, green beans and a small amount of spaghetti. Upon receiving my meal, and in the midst of yet another conversation about how we despise the male species [yes, i consider them a species; one far below the rate of evolution of females], I stared in disbelief at the informal representation of love that was my chicken breast. I was so astounded that I stopped to take a picture.
So, as only I saw fit; i solved this problem in the best way possible.
That's correct, I cut it in half.
There you have it;
my heart.